Future goals

Every so often I find myself searching for a job.
I put big, bold as well as little white lies in my CV, write cheesy and dishonest letters of faked motivation, and wait for the phone to ring.

And so it does and so an interview is scheduled.
And I go in there dressed up like a professional, using my corporate vocabulary, smiling like the very desirable workforce that I am and off they take me to HR to sign a contract.
I whisk them away.

Every so often I find myself in a less desirable interview.
Like bloody today for instance.
Company website good.
Primo location.

But the interview was bad. The talking bit was a piece of cake. I thrive on mentally mutilated questions like Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

But than they wanted me to order around and generate data in an Excel spreadsheet. I am an urban entity, but I would sooner milk a cow.

Than there was translating. Easy.

And than they gave me a precision test. There were about 50 rows, 3 words in every row and I had to circle the one that would come sooner in an alphabetical list.

I don't really know the alphabet. I mean, I am OK with the first bits abcdefg, but than it gets mysterious. I worked in a bookshop for a while and there I had to get better, Shakespeare after Schiller, but I forgot it all.

It was humiliating.

A good interview is a full-ego massage, a mental pampering session, the professional equivalent of oral sex.

A bad interview is the opposite of that.

I cant help but wonder:
What is the opposite of oral sex?